Things I’d Like to Know/See Before I Die

I just turned 59. I probably have another 20 years if I don’t catch something nasty. Here are 20 things I would like to find out or see before I go.

1. Who really assassinated John Kennedy. All of them.*alien.png

2. Where Jimmy Hoffa is. Each part.*

3. Irrefutable evidence of other life in the universe. I just want to hear the churches explain that one.

perino.jpg4. Discovery of an old, grainy vhs tape of Dana Perino performing unnatural acts with not one but two labrador retrievers.

This would be followed by a hasty resignation so she could “spend more time with her family.”

5. My first great-grandchild. Could be as soon
as 5-6 years. Wahoo!safe.jpg

6. Bush and/or Cheney on trial for war crimes, murder, treason, election fraud, or any of the assorted constitutional violations of which they are most certainly guilty.*

7. Bush in a federal prison, getting Bubba’s big bone up his backside. Repeatedly.*

8. Free universal health care in the US.*

tony.jpg9. A TV series as good as The Sopranos. Better yet, another season of The Sopranos.

10. Actual separation of church and state.*

11. The true story of the death of Marilyn Monroe.

12. A total campaign finance limit of $100 per candidate per election. No sense spending more because we’re just gonna vote for who has the best god anyway.

13. A video of Hilary and Bill’s first conversation after she found out about Monica.*

14. An end to poaching of endangered species and using their body parts tiger.jpgfor ridiculous and absurd medical concoctions.

15. Charlton Heston being wounded by gunfire while dancing in drag in a gay bar. Yeah, I know. Still woulda been nice.*

16. A law that makes all lobbying a felony punishable by death.*

17. A law against candidates for any office making any campaign promises at all. Just to cut down the overall amount of political bullshit we have to suffer.

18. A fair federal income tax system. Maybe, but not in my lifetime.*

19. A truly great leader, man or woman, run for President of the United States.*

surgery.jpg20. The medical breakthrough finding that skin tissue, grafted only from the genitals of male federal politicians, can cure ALS, MS and all forms of cancer. 

* Denotes those items that I consider absolutely impossible.

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4 Comments on “Things I’d Like to Know/See Before I Die”

  1. Buffalo Says:

    I ‘spect if that is the cure there won’t be anyone being saved. Altruism doesn’t exactly run rampant in those quarters.

    All in all, I think my list would be very similar to yours. Less the grandkids. I’m not a kid person. Believe babies should be given doggie downers when they’re born and promptly hung in a closet until the turn 21. Then you give them a puppy upper and kick their little asses out the door.

    Gotta ask – whatcha got against Heston?

  2. expatbrian Says:

    I’m not a gun guy. Was once, VN took it out of me. So, I’m not an NRA guy either and some of his gun speeches left me pretty disgusted. I don’t believe the gun lobby should be the most powerful lobby in Washington or even exist at all. I live in a place with no guns. (there is target shooting, you just have to leave your gun lockered at the range) So, if you want to murder someone, you have to use your hands or a knife. Result is, hardly anyone ever gets murdered. Imagine that.

    We can’t have drive by’s. Here, with no guns, if you want to murder someone from a moving vehicle you gotta do a “throw by”. 🙂

  3. Capt Fogg Says:

    I wish we had a law requiring people to leave their Hummers lockered somewhere – after driving 120 miles yesterday on a road full of drunks in trucks raging around at 100+ guns don’t seem half as dangerous.


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